Dear Edward
by Are-You-Enjoying-The-Rain
Summary: A series of short letters from Bella to Edward after a chance meeting brings them together for one night.
1. September 19th

September 19th

Dear Edward:

I'll probably never send this to you, but I'm going to write anyway.

I need to stop thinking about you, but I can't. I need to wake up and not remember my dreams about you, but I can't. I need to forget our night together but I can't. I need to see you again, but I can't.

You know people noticed a change in me after I met you? According to my coworker Rose I "smiled me first real smile in years." I didn't tell her why, I couldn't; I need to forget you. My best friend Alice, wants to know how I got home from the bar that night, I dint tell her how, I couldn't; I need to forget you. I drive by that bookstore every day, but I never go inside, I can't; I need to forget you.

I wish there was a way around this, I wish there was a chance for us, I wish I could feel your soft lips on mine one last time. But most of all I wish I could forget you.

Hoping for a shooting star,

Bella


	2. September 21st

September 21st

Dear Edward

I'll probably never send this to you, but I'm going to write anyway.

I fell into your life at 11:52pm, yes I saw the clock. I can still feel your strong hands on me as you steadied my body. My heel had caught on a crack in the floor, and there you were. It was like the movies, everything was in slow motion, one minute I was walking, my head down as I tried to sneak out of the bar early, avoiding Alice along the way. The next my eyes locked with the most dazzling green eyes, your eyes.

It's funny, the feel of falling; you get this strange pull in the pit of your stomach, as if there's a string from your belly to the floor. As if that string is the only thing that keeps you from floating away, it's what pulls you to the ground. All my life I've cursed that string, I always wished I could have floated away every time, instead I always hit the floor. Except that night I didn't, your eyes grew wide and my eyes closed, waiting for the impact. But it never came.

You smelled like sandalwood and honey, my nose was buried in your neck and for a moment I didn't move. For the first time in my life I was glad that I didn't float away.

Hoping one day to defy gravity,

Bella


	3. September 22nd

September 22nd

Dear Edward

I'll probably never send this to you, but I'm going to write anyway.

Did you know that you hold your emotions in your eyes? Did you know that your eyes lighten when you're laughing? Or that they are shades darker when you are full of lust? Or that they turn nearly blue when you think too hard? I have a new favorite colour. Green.

My breath was almost ripped out of my lungs the first time my boring brown eyes connected with yours; but that look in your eyes held nothing in comparison to the looks you held for me later on in the evening. You made me feel beautiful for the first time, you made me forget everything around me, you made me feel alive and you made me feel wanted.

Before I met you my favorite colour was blue, it has been since I was little. My mother always tried to dress me in pink, showing off her little girl in a feminine light. Unfortunately I took after my father, and a pair of jeans and my favorite blue sweater is usually what you could find me in. On my 17th birthday she gave me a pink sweater in the morning, she wanted me to wear it to my party, a party I didn't even want. We had argued, she had cried, I wore the blue sweater that night. My poor father just smirked and patted her on the back, winking at me in the process. He got me, she didn't.

A year later when my mother passed away I wore that pink sweater, it was the first of many things I tried to make up for.

Living for other people,

Bella


	4. September 27th

September 27th

Dear Edward

I'll probably never send this to you, but I'm going to write anyway.

I can't sleep, I want to so badly. Thoughts of you are running through my mind, so fast it's almost painful. I can't focus on anything I hate every ones touch, because it's not yours. It's as if my world was in colour when I was with you and then it faded to black and white.

I woke up a few minutes ago, sweat lightly covering my body; my breathing hard and my eyes I'm sure were wild and feral. Don't worry though, I wasn't having a nightmare, no, the only negative part was that I woke up.

You see in my dream I can recall our night together with perfect clarity. So much so that I wish I could sleep the rest of my existence away. Because, you see, sleep is the only other way I'll be able to feel your touch again. Waking up used to be hard, coming into a brand new day that was sure to be as painful as the last, as mindless as the previous days before. But now waking up is almost unbearable, it's as if I'm losing you all over again.

But let's be honest, I've never had you, and I never will.

The non-sleeping beauty,

Bella


	5. October 10th

October 10th

Dear Edward

I'll probably never send this to you, but I'm going to write anyway.

I almost crashed my car today. I was driving to a meeting early this morning, humming lightly along to the radio, when I was hit with a flashback so real that I had to swerve around the stopped car in front of me.

"Do you want to get out of here?" you had whispered in my ear, your arms circled around me, my head resting on your chest, your lips on my forehead, my small fingers wrapping around your biceps as you swayed us to the music.

The same song playing on my radio…

As I pulled over to the side of the street, my hands shook as I put the car in park, my tears blurring my vision too much to continue on the road.

A flashback to the feel of your hands on my hips, the smell of you, and your hot breath in my ear as your soothing voice whispers "I've got you." And you did, you had me, I was entranced. You didn't let me go after that, even the next morning; you had a vice grip on me and a smile on your face.

I have never danced in a bar before, not even with my girlfriends, yet I didn't say no to you. Not that you asked me anyway. Your eyes shone as you pulled me straight up, my head barely meeting your shoulder even with my heels on. I didn't pull away from you as you lead me to the dance floor, you didn't even say goodbye to your friends.

I'm not even sure how long we danced together, but when you whispered those words in my ear, a shiver ran down my spine, and it was not because I was cold. I didn't even think about it, I nodded and let you lead me out of the crowded space and into the crisp night.

A tap on my window brought my sure to be red and puffy eyes to the brown uniform at the side of my car. The gun belt, the pepper spray, soon the badge; the mustache, and then the brown eyes I had grown up with; laced with worry I had rarely seen. My father.

Not ready to share,

Bella


	6. October 21st

October 21st

Dear Edward

I'll probably never send this to you, but I'm going to write anyway.

My dad knows something is up. He has been calling me non-stop, but I've found dozens of excuses to avoid him. I'm not ready yet.

I'm not ready to tell him that I found and left the man of my dreams all in the same night nearly a month ago. I'm not ready to tell him that I cannot sleep because my dreams are filled with thoughts of that man, and I will never be ready to tell him what happened after we left that club that night.

It would be amazing to sit with Alice and explain how you put your jacket around me, because I hadn't remembered mine. We would sit on my bed with spoons and a tub of ice cream as Id explain to her how you wrapped your arm around me as we walked down the street towards your apartment. She would giggle and smile as I would gush over how we walked by your bookstore, where you teach music lessons in the backroom. I can hear her now as she would create these ridiculous connections between the two of us because of my love of books. She would ooh and awe as Id tell her about our conversation for the 30 min walk, I would tell her I declined the cab just because I wanted more time with you. She would smile with me as I explained that it was love at first sight, and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.

She would hug me close as I cried about not seeing you again; she would worry about my frowns, and the lull in my energy. Then after a few weeks of watching me deteriorate she would come into my house and tell me to stop sulking, get off my butt and go and get you and tell you how I feel.

That's why I cannot tell Alice. That's why I cannot tell anyone. I would be hurting too many people to ever consider it.

Keeping secrets from loved ones,

Bella.


	7. November 1st

November 1st

Dear Edward

I'll probably never send this to you, but I'm going to write anyway.

I had another dream. This time it was much more intense than anything else I've ever experienced. I can still feel your lips on my neck, on my body, your hot breath traveling down my stomach as your hands travel up my thighs. The same way they did nearly two months ago.

As we ascended to your apartment in the elevator the feelings became too much for me, so when you looked at me with your smoldering eyes I attacked you. That would be the best way to describe it. I didn't even hear the elevator door open; you just put your hands under my bottom and walked with me to your door, your lips never leaving mine. I'm not sure how you opened the door, but you did.

By this point my heart was pumping so fast I'm certain if you had of put me down I would have fallen over. I didn't need to worry, because when you put me down it was on a soft gold comforter and even then you really didn't let me go.

It had never felt like that before, something I told you in the moment. I was met with your crooked smile, and a smug response of "we haven't even started yet." Never in my life had words ever affected me so much. My hips rose off the bed, in desperate need of friction; a desperation I had never experienced.

I had never felt so comfortable in my nudity, but when you stripped me down I didn't move to cover myself, and when your lips worshiped every inch of my body, all I could do was pull you closer to me as I fell apart underneath you. I can't even describe to you the feeling of you being inside of me, our motions working together as one as we found our release. People had always told me that making was love was a beautiful thing, I had never believed it until I saw your face relaxed in pure ecstasy. Your eyes bore in to mine, your mouth half open and the muscles in your neck strained as your body convulsed above me, around me, in me.

I never wanted to leave you; I wanted to stay in that bed with you forever. You fell asleep, I kissed your lips; you smiled and held me tighter. I extracted myself from your grasp and left you in the bed and cried the entire cab ride home.

It was the most passionate night of my life, and I walked away. Passion was an emotion I didn't believe existed until I met you, and it doesn't exist after I left you.

Dreaming of white dresses and wedding nights that will never come,

Bella.


	8. November 20th

November 20th

Dear Edward

I'll probably never send this to you, but I'm going to write anyway

I woke up this morning the same way I have every day since September. Alone.

The bed is small, but it's mine and I wake up without his big arm around me. The bed creaks every time I move, but it's better than his snores. He doesn't know though. He doesn't know that I stay awake every night until his breathing evens out, and then I tip toe across the hall into my room. I set the alarm for thirty minutes before his and I sneak back into our bed.

You see I married Jacob two years after my mother died. We had started dating just after that disastrous 17th birthday party. We had been friends for years, and we shared our first kiss that night in my tree house, hiding from the pink cake, the pink ribbons and bows and the pink streamers.

I thought I loved him, so did my mom.

Just before she died, she had given her wedding ring to him. When he proposed he told me it's what she wanted. So I said yes. I owed her that much. When my dad walked me down the aisle he asked me if I was sure, and I said yes, it's what she would have wanted.

I didn't lie to you, I swear, I just didn't tell you everything. I really do love literature, travel and writing. I really am clumsy, shy and I blush at almost everything. But to be even more truthful I thought I was happy with Jake, he made me laugh, and he loved me like a girl should be loved, the problem is, that lately I've realized I wasn't in love with Jacob. We haven't really touched each other since I met you, I don't know how to love him anymore. I would know how to love you.

But I can't hurt Jake like that, I can't hurt my father like that, and my mother wanted this, so I am trapped. I will smile, I will laugh, I will cook dinners and I will give him a family. I will be everything he needs from me, no matter what. Which means I will forget about you, I need to be the wife I promised to be, which means I you will never see these letters.

I promise it will be as if you never existed.

Bella.


	9. December 10th

December 10th

Dear Edward

I'm pregnant.

Always breaking promises,


End file.
